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I used to respond to everyone who replied. Then, I noticed many of them would come back with disparaging remarks because we didn't just jump on the offer they were giving. So now, I just repond to those that we think are compatable with what we are looking for on here and other sites Amy |
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I used to give everyone the courtesy of a reply. However, I observed that a lot of people on this site are working the percentages and sending out mass e-mails in the hope of getting a few replies. If someone has taken the time to read my profile and write me a personal message, I will always give a polite reply. However, if it's an obvious form letter, I delete completely guilt free. |
posted by TRINIJAM
10/9/2006 11:05:00 PM |
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As you can see your not alone. We've been on this site for a while now.Read every profile that and only respond to those who we think we meetwhat they're talking about. So i would guess that out of 50 or moreemails, we've gotten maybe 2 or 3 replies. It leaves us thinking, whatare these people we're writing really looking for here?? True a simple"no thanks" would suffice.
Tina/Scott
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posted by Unknown
10/9/2006 10:17:00 PM |
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If someone takes the time to write to us and they fit our qualifications laid out in our bio (we want people to read and view), then we give a 100% reply back. It may not be the answer one wishes for, but it will be kind and thoughtful. example "Thank you so much for taking the time to write to us. After reviewing your bio and pictures we feel that it would not be compatible. However we encourage you to continue your search on this site and we wish you the best of luck" |
posted by Unknown
10/9/2006 9:39:00 PM |
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*No Response LOL |
posted by Unknown
10/9/2006 8:59:00 PM |
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Couldn't agree more. Whether I like the look/sound of whoever takes the time out to contact me or not I always make sure I have the decency to reply. There's nothing more annoying than taking the time to contact someone politely only to be treated with a complete lack of respect in return. When you check your sent mail and see 'deleted' without having even received the courtesy of a reply it does make you scratch your head at how some people can be so rude. I even finish every message with a 'if you're not interested that's fine but please get back to me either way to let me know' type line and still people take no notice! But it happened when I first joined up here a few years ago now and I'm sure it will continue to happen in the future. Sad but true. |
posted by SCOOBYD
10/9/2006 8:05:00 PM |
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Courtesy is all in the manners of their up-bringing. Need more be said. No Courtesy- No Manners. And these are the type of people that tend to flock together. |
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Its happened to us plenty of times. The way I see it, no response is obviously a rejection, so whats the need for a rejection letter? A big reason why a lot of people dont send the no thanks response is because then youll get a follow-up "why not?" message. Thats happened plenty of times to us, so then you have to go through the process of politely explaining what non-compatibility means to someone who was probably using the shotgun approach (sending form letters to every profile with an attractive woman in the picture) in the first place. It may be rude, but I didnt get offended when it was done to me. |
posted by Unknown
10/9/2006 2:38:00 PM |
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100% agree also. Just plain rude not to take the time to say "no thanks", especially when you meet all the criteria! We think some of the problem is too, that a lot of people do not update their profile and the information that it was written with becomes outdated. You run into profiles that say "Curious, never been with a couple", but the profile is 2 years old, odds are they have since been with a couple and need to update. Also, would it hurt people who have a circle of friends built up they play with, to just update the profile and say "not looking" so people looking would not be inclined to write. |
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I agree completely...... if nothing else a "Thank you, but no thank you". I mean, I understand if a person is constantly being bombarded with e-mails form people that they do not want to communicate with (for whatever the reason is) but its damn rude to not respond at all. Especially if your profile indicates you are interested in the type of person or people attempting to contact you. Thank you for posting this topic. I am a single male (just getting into this lifestyle), that has experienced this more times then I want to admit, but at least now I know its more of a wide spread issue and not to be discouraged so easily. |
posted by Unknown
10/9/2006 1:40:00 PM |
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Yes you are right and we agree. There are alot of members on here that just plain do not care to answer. But then you can figure out that those are not the ones you want to be with anyways. |
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i agree 1000% |
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Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view the answer is simply because 90% of those mails are rude lack of respect and fakes couples or single females and the other 9% are married guys cheating on their wifes,that leave us with only 1% right? |
posted by Unknown
9/15/2006 10:28:00 AM |
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We used to courtesy reply all E-Mails. We don't anymore for a few reasons. 1) Some of you said before, there is people that don't even read the profiles, and they sent you an E-Mail. Why should we spend time writting to someone that don't even read or pay attention to the profile. If they don't care why we should be polite? 2) We had the experience of people that we replied in the past with a no thanks, nicely explained and encouraging them to keep looking for a better match. A few month later we receive the same E-Mails from them again, it seems that they forgot they wrote us before, again we lost our time being polite. 3) We answered all the E-Mail we are going to answer with a polite No Thanks in advance, that is if you read our profile. Now we are back to our point 1. The last lines in ou profile read: " We used to reply all E-Mails. We won't anymore. If we don't answer your E-Mail please excuses us but we are not interested. There might be hundreds of reasons but all will turn into one; The Overall Turn-On Click when we saw your Profile or E-Mail Was Not There."
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posted by JB4FUN1
9/15/2006 10:17:00 AM |
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Well, in my personal experience, I can say, that some people do not know went they're beind rude and I think that may have something to do with their parents and the education they were provided with went they were brought up, when it comes to being polite, you have to look to the mirror of parenthood, so, you can see that reflexion. |
posted by F2005D
9/15/2006 9:02:00 AM |
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It has been my observation that many people on this site are working the percentages. They send off a hundred standard introductions without ever reading a profile hoping for a reply. I reply to everyone who actually reads my profile but delete all form letters completely guilt free. |
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We've been in the lifestyle for a while now and have had a couple of deletes, and altho that may leave us feeling a little let down, I'd rather have that then some empty, obligated correspondence before realizing the "meeting" is never to be. Saves us all time and (I firmly believe) a lot of lies to spare the other party's feelings. And as far as the people that don't have the time to type a "no thanks", add it to your profile, (see ours) but don't blame it on time, if you were short on time, you wouldn't be surfing in the first place...it may be rude, but at least its honest! K |
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No need to send an email to me to complain.As my first line said we do return all emails. Swinging is and will always be a no obligation or expectation. to think otherwise you are sadly mistaken. rude or not it is what it is.Take it as a no thanks and move on. Why would you want to meet someone who did not retrun or delete your email? Makes no sense to us. |
posted by EXPO969
8/23/2006 7:53:00 AM |
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For all the couples that require a photo with the e-mail, I have a question. If there are photos of both in the profile do you still need to have photos sent to you via e-mail? |
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We have a rule that we will not respond to email unless there are good, clear photos of both people ( if the email is from a couple) including faces either on the profile or attached to the initial email. We basicly have this stated in our profile. After all how are we to know if we are interested without first seeing photos of the other party. If photos are included we do try to anwer the email even if its to send a no thanks. But we still get email without photos so we do just hit the delete button since they didnt bother to read our profile or just didn't have the courtesy to send photos.. We won't beg anyone for photos. |
posted by CCSWING
8/22/2006 6:23:00 PM |
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we totaly argee with the fact it is rude not to respond to mail . pics dont meen your not for real , we just dont put are on the profile but do send them in are messages. hope members would grow up & be more courteous. we feel it,s like small children not to say thank you or no thanks . it not hard and only to about a second to write. |
posted by ISQUIRT
8/22/2006 5:01:00 PM |
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We like responses and do respond to all emails.It may take days as we do not come in every day. We do not get upset if someone does not respond we will mark it down on notes that htis person did not respond which indicates no interest. Now to further platinums devils advocate side.Swinging is a no obligation no expectation sport hobby lifestyle or whatever you wish to call it.If this is true why do people expect to have a response on any or all emails where they think it is a match. |
posted by EXPO969
8/22/2006 4:30:00 PM |
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We agree with you. It can be frustrating and rude. I guess it's one of the problems you learn to deal with when you live in a cyber society. I think sometimes we forget that the other couples on here are people with real feeling just like we have. It's much easier to think "if we don't answer they'll just go away" then it is to have to actually take some time and write a note telling someone no thank you....plus... I don't think anyone likes to give another person bad news. We try really hard to always answer our email. We figure that if someone took the time to sit down and write us then they at least deserve a note back. |
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We believe this is the side effect of technology. The "Owe You Zip" effect. Compare it to the guy/girl talking on the cell phone while the waitress is trying to take the order, they don't think they owe a waitress respect...some see her as a servant to multitask over, some see her as another person. No one is raised with manners anymore and even fewer are raised with the backbone to do the right thing. You're expecting Netiquette from people who haven't even learned Ediquette! This is a whole different ballgame baby... Internet addiction combined with sex addiction...lower your expectations for courtesy. |
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i realize that people are busy but, there are form letters here that can be used. we are old enough that rejection dosn't bother us. we also realize not all couple are compatible and that we don't all fit. so, dont delete when you have a way to so no politely. |
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Hi.
Its a worldwide behaviour! We face that here in The Netherlands too. Many mails, introductions, etc keep unanswered.
With love from wet and cold Holland.
Bea and Alex
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I have to agree totally, I even have a note on myprofile about it, I was thinking that was just becouse I'm a single guy, I almost never get any form of replay, and just delite is not been nice, this lifestyle is all about fun and respect, start from your mail. To all of you , have fun , be safe and party hardy, xoxo Cuteitalian |
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Geeez, Some folks have apparently forgot how to handle rejection in life! If you do not get a response deal with it and move on. It doesn't mean the person is rude. Gawd forbid that some folks may be busy people with lives or that the sender didnt check some of the requirements on their profile before sending an email. This is bad enough for couples to whine about this but is especially shocking coming from single males. Try one of the "vanilla" dating sites like Match dot com, your lucky to get one response to every 20 you send out. Deal with it folks, move on with life and have fun! |
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That's just part of this wonderful thing called variety... I guess our best advice will be learn to live with it since it will keep happening to you...us... and many others. I agree it sucks, and that's why we try to get to every single e-mail we get (sometimes a little late) but at least we get to it at one point :) |
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Well, I expected the back lash and got it...but please do note...I am playing devil's advocate...I have had this very conversation with many people and opinions fall strongly on one side or the other. I have not found these opinions to be indicitive of any arrogance or lack of manners on the part of the individuals I've spoken with...just simply their approach to 'the lifestyle' and all the options it presents you with. AND for the record, I, for one, am not just here for sex. I had hoped to be joining a group with people of similar mindsets; i.e. fun loving, non-judgemental, open minded, etc. I DO respond to most emails with more than just a two word 'no thanks'...usually giving some insight (I'm very busy with work right now, I don't think we would be a good match, etc) as to why I MIGHT NOT be interested almost always ending with the comment that I am more than happy to make new friends and maybe we can talk some other time. I treat people as I would like to be treated...simple as that. Truly, I was not trying to ruffle any feathers...just presenting another view point for discussion. Personal attacks are really not necessary. |
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A question has been presented:"Why is it politically incorrect to have to reply to any email?"1) One can not assume anything. No reply could mean that theparty forgot to respond whether there is or is no interest. No reply could mean that they are not interested. No reply could mean that they are interested. One can not assume that no reply means notinterested.2) Simple courtesy, dear. As if anything in life, everyone smilesand apreciates simple courtesy. A brief NO THANKS is sufficientand leaves a refreshing taste in everyone's palateObviously, the palate of the profile that feels that a courtesy replyis not warranted indicates the same arrogant, bitter andsour foulness that is so rampant of those that lack courtesy notjust in the lifestyle but in any aspect of everyday life.This individual is the perfect example of such arrogance that is exclusive of such individuals.
Just because everyone here is for a main purpose (sex), it doesn't mean that courtesy and consideration have to be thrown out like anused condom. |
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I didn't realize deleting an introductory e-mail was considereda no thank you. Sorry to those I have deleted. I delete e-mails to keepmy inbox clean, otherwise I have trouble keeping track of connections.I also like to review the profile and think before I respond. I nevereven pay attention when someone deletes an e-mail I sent them as I justfigure they get a lot of mail like me and like to stay organized andfocused.How do you know if they are ignoring the introduction? Many times, Inotice I have mail, but don't have time to read and respond...so I don'topen it. It does not mean I am ignoring anyone, just busy at the moment.I do appreciate it when someone does tell me that they are not interested,and then I move on. It is not always easy telling someone that you don'tthink it will work, but that is better than trying to force somethingwhen there is just no chemistry or attraction to that person. |
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its happened to us before and we try not to take it personally it isnt all that hard to say thanks for the interest but no thanks....then again some of the "players" might find it hard to type with thier hand covered in lotion lol......ash and robb |
posted by Unknown
8/14/2006 3:41:00 PM |
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We agree. A simple "no thanks" would be great. This has happened to us, even when the other side initiated the contact. The delete button is not a nice way of saying "no thanks."
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posted by SFLYMC1
8/14/2006 2:44:00 PM |
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I cannot agree more. A two word answer should be what like the bottomline of basic human courtesy, and below that is just way loww. |
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Ok. Fairly certain the hate mail will roll in for playing devil's advocate on this one but here goes... I don't understand why not responding to or deleting an introduction email is not an accepted form of 'no thanks'. Now I know that we all pay for our profiles on this site, and as such cannot complain if we receive emails from parties in which we have no interest. However, you should not assume that a profile is posted inviting introductions (unless of course the profile in question is participating in speed dating and/or says 'please email me if you are interested'). The profile in question may want to be the one making the introductions and disregard ALL incoming email. Common courtesy works both ways. Yes, a presumed rejection may sting but that does not make the uninterested party rude. In my opinion, graciously accepting a 'no thank you', in any form is common courtesy. So....let the hate mail begin.... |
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lol, being a single male in this lifestyle, this is not uncommon. every once in a while i do find the courtious people who will at least respond with a "haha are you kidding?" lol. no im kidding about that. but seriuosly, a reply of some sort would be nice. |
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amazing. I did a blog with the same question. Yes its just plain RUDE to not respond with a NO thank you if no interest is there. it doesnt take that long, hugs M & D |
posted by MD4
8/14/2006 11:55:00 AM |
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It happens alot.What amazes me is that half of the people write me first showing and interest,then poof their gone w/o justification. Or the ones who have in their profile we are real and sincereand do the same thing. Alot of players ! Beware if they have been on here a long time with no or hidden validations,or one validationin 3 years, all trial members, and many with no pics. Of course there are those who have been on 1 year and have 20+ validations. Most of the time they say it does not mean we have played with all but you read the "V"s and they sure have.Take Care and Good Luck ! |
posted by 14U
8/14/2006 10:19:00 AM |
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Hey you lovebirds! You are right, it is a little disappointing to not receive anything in return, when one has tried to open up for a little sunshine! Those on SDC who are too lazy to type, should maybe have some quick-formats with pre-typed responses, like the one that you mentioned: "No thank you!" If you were ever confronted in real life, that is the very least that you would say, right? Internet can be so anonymous. You two hang in there, stay positive and enjoy summer! |
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wellguys ....we would never ignore ANY mail from you !!:))Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view |
posted by TRACI2
8/14/2006 7:25:00 AM |
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Yep we agree too, there are a lot of rude people out there and i don't think you can even know weather you want to get to know someone if you don't talk to them in the first place or are they so very shallow that they take people at face value?
Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view
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posted by Unknown
8/14/2006 7:15:00 AM |
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HAPPENS TO US ALOT 2 |
posted by RBA1102
8/14/2006 2:38:00 AM |
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We agree. Has happened twice this week. |
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I agree with you 1000% I think it is rude. If the can take the time to "delete" the message, they can at least take the time and send a "canned" reply AAAGGGHHHH! |
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